Which wine should you actually be drinking? I'm not here to tell you what to do, least of all what to put in your glass. But I can point you to a quiz on Buzzfeed. It starts with relatively mundane questions like, "What's for dinner?" and goes into left field with, "Which emoji speaks to you?". In between are questions about books, albums, and preferred celebrity drinking buddies.
Naturally, it wraps up with, "Pick a drunk text."
I will tell you I got Pinot Grigio, and no more. OK, Taco Bell was involved. Pinot Grigio cools the flames from packets of Fire sauce. What?